One Year Birthday Reflection
May 23rd, 2023 // The beginning of a beautiful humbling life altering journey with the most precious baby boy.
I was hoping to write a celebration post about how hard it is to believe it has been a year since our sweet second son entered the world. I imagined the perfect balance of uplifting and joyful words while peeking behind the curtain into the reality of having a child with an incredibly rare genetic syndrome. I imagined writing it while feeling happy. However, grief is funny like that, and the week leading up to Landon's birthday we received news of another possible surgery, another potential impending hospital stay, and another heart wrenching moment when you're reminded you cannot control a single moment of your future.
This past year I have been blessed with the happiest baby I have ever encountered. Landon is beyond precious, always smiling, eyes gleaming, and exuding joy. He also is doing all of these things while unable to keep 85% of his food down daily. He grows slowly stronger leaving me in awe at his abilities no matter how excruciatingly behind others it may seem. He does not sleep when he should. He loses weight while we guess our way through ways to help him, and still, he is smiling. We have fought for treatment and educated providers who care so deeply (almost approved for human growth hormone!). There have been moments of incredible diagnostic healing while also setbacks to everyday functioning.
There are many life moments and lessons that have led me to this place of intense duality of emotion. Tender deep-rooted joy and intense daily grief. A heart breaking for her precious child that God entrusted to me.
The reality is that Landon is resilient, determined, and someone I cannot comprehend at times can exist. He is a reminder that every moment is not to be taken for granted and that time should move more slowly. He is a beautiful reminder of how love influences the world and service to others is to be practiced in abundance and freely.
I am grateful to have experienced such a humble awakening no matter how painful the journey may be…a peek behind the curtain turned into more of a viewing.
Happy birthday to my abundantly gleeful and unique baby boy. May this next year be ever as rewarding and rooted in grace, gratitude, and healing. My soul overflows with love for you.
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